Today I asked my husband, “What do you think about my writing?”.
He said that it’s “OK” as if he’s struggling to say something nice. My heart sank and I thought at this point.. Shit.
“It lacks editorial,” he said, finally telling me the truth.
I wasn’t sure what that meant and so I asked, “What do you mean?”
He mentioned that I write but not really. It’s kind of sloppy like I don’t really care and proof read it (I swear to god I do 😦 ). And that I mention places and what went on but I never mention how I felt.
Sad face and a sigh. 😦
I thought, ‘So he wants to read how I feel..’ I always write about how I feel in my diary and was scared of writing that on my blog because I didn’t want to offend people and cotton balled all of my entries.. There’s so many things I want to mention.. I’m not always Miss Nice, you know! I guess it’s time I break those barriers of mine and tell it how it is!
“OK. How about my recent post My Thailand Wedding Research?” I asked hoping for a positive answer.
“It’s good but.. your introduction doesn’t tell me anything. It took me a while to figure out what you’re writing about.”
Gosh, so honest yet so right.. Why me?.. Why must I be this shit at writing.. I feel like throwing in the towel now because, to be honest.. I spend almost 3 hours on most of my post and 5 on that one! I know this because I use Toggl to time myself each time. In fact I’m timing now and it’s been 32 minutes already.
My piano teacher once said to me, “If you never fix your mistakes, you’ll only an expert at making mistakes.” That has haunted me for years.. I’m not very good at handling criticism. I tend to feel sad about it, accept it and move on.. I think it’s a coping mechanism for me..
My husband reads a lot and follow tons of blogs (unlike me who barely reads), so his opinion matters a lot to me. He also gives a f**k about my happiness. Trust me! I’ve been a b-i-t-c-h lately!
I then started to get flash backs of my high school days during English class. I never did well, especially on essays. I commonly have a really thought out introduction (which probably took me one week) and then the rest of the essay I would wing it. It would have no supporting points at all but all repetitive rubbish. I know my teachers had no hope for me.. but there was one that did..
I remember him really well. He made me stay after class one day to have a little “talk” with me. He was a young man (I think 23 at the time), and he could speak French and was a very kind man. He was always neatly dressed and never had a bad hair day. He was Mr. Masterman and he really gave a damn about my education. He go through my work thoroughly with me. He told me what my weaknesses and strengths was and what I had to improve on. The days followed that, he really paid attention to me and would purposefully pick me to do some reading and answer questions. Mr. Masterman cared for me so much that I wanted to show him I can be a fantastic English student and I wanted to do well for him. But it didn’t last long because he left University High School. Some idiots gave him a hard time. I heard he left because people kept calling him “Mister Masturebate” and spread rumours that he was gay. I was very sad and thought there would be no other teacher like him.. I was actually doing really well thanks to him. A new teacher came in and she was just like every other teacher. I went back to the old careless self and stopped trying.
The next time I saw him was on TV on Wheel of Fortune and learnt that he was still teaching at another (better) school and his fiance was in the audience. I thought, ‘Good for him! I hope he gets paid well and have a happy married life and have lots of lovely smart children. Everyone who thought he was gay can die!’
When I look back, I’ve had A+ on story writing before :-). I would love to write a book someday and send a copy to Mr. Masterman to show him I really do care about my writing.. I just hate essay writings and all that boring stuff! I’m right brain!
I hope you guys can forgive my lack of writing skills. There is no excuse and I vow to improve this skill to engage and inspire you of my travels!
Thank you for reading.
P.S. This post took me 1 hour and 40 minutes.